I decided after converting that I would refrain from telling my parents right away. I was still away at school for 6 more months so I wanted to see how things went on my own.
First and foremost, the prayer must be learned in arabic since the language itself is so unique and really difficult to translate. Since the prayer was first revelead in arabic, it is best to keep it that way to ensure we don`t stray away from the meaning. I had to study how to say it in arabic, understand it in english, and learn the movements that go with the prayer. I remember searching it all on youtube. Everyone around me was overly helpful too so it didn`t take too long. Learning to pray 5 times a day was a challenge. Especially waking up for fajr which is often between 4am and 5am. But prayer becomes such a beautiful moment in the day. Life can be so hectic and busy at times, it gives us a moment of tranquility to come back into focus as to why we are here and what our purpose is.
I didn`t really change how I dressed until about a year later. In Islam, I guess to keep it clear, we follow the same rules as nuns. Modesty is very important. Before I moved home in May, I was mostly wearing longer shirts, baggier clothing and longer sleeves.
I stopped eating pork. Actually, I never liked pork. It is very unhealthy and fattening and taste like smelly feet would probably taste like. So that was simple. I also stopped drinking and going to clubs. Not that I did that much either. I only ever tried to do it to fit in with my friends, but I never really felt like I fit in until I met my Muslim friends.
I had many helpful friends along the way, and many beautiful sisters of Islam to learn from. They all seemed so proper, respectful, soft spoken, classy and most importantly, happy! I really wondered if I could ever carry myself like them. I always had an opinion to be shared and was often a bit too talkative and silly in public. I wanted to learn to be like them, without giving up who I am either. I learned that with Islam, it is not just a religion that we pray from time to time, but a lifestyle. It is a behaviour we practice daily. It is what we eat, drink, say, how we sleep, dress, pray, etc. It takes a while to be good at it, it is a life skill we are always trying to perfect. I did what I could, but I found things just naturally progressed that way over time.
Some friends thought I was crazy and didn`t want to talk to me anymore. Some were very supportive and encouraging. Many didn`t understand the fact that I didn`t take part in he typical university ``fun``. For the first time in my life, I didn`t care what people thought. I felt like my soul was at ease and I felt comfort knowing what I did was follow the truth. For the first time, I didn`t care what people thought around me. I was finally at ease with who I was.
All in all, my time away at university was easy. It was natural, it was free. I was happy...
When I moved home, things began to go downhill.
I spoke to my parents about becoming Muslim. My dad referred to Muslims as the cancer of the earth and said they should all be blown up. My mom was disappointed. She didn`t like me dressing modest. If I had ASSets, they had to be showing according to her, or no man would ever love me. My brother would make fun of me and argue with my Muslim friends when he saw them. I tried to remain calm. I was going to teachers college nearby so I knew I had to tough it out until the end.
That lasted until December. After 6 months of my family hiding pork in my food, forcing alcohol down my throat, throwing my Quran and refusing to let me pray, I gathered everything I could from second hand stores and moved into a little basement apartment. I was already enrolled in school full-time, but in order to practice my faith freely, I also needed to work full-time to pay the bills. It was the most chaotic year of my life. I would wake up at 6am, get to downtown Toronto for class at 8am, leave at 1pm, arrive to work at 3pm, work until 11pm, take the very sketchy bus home, study, sleep and repeat. Why did I do all of this? For my right to practice my faith. I never regretted it for a second. I just really didn`t like that I was hurting my family.
After not talking to my family for 2 months, I began calling my mom and asking her to talk to me. She asked where I was living. I told her to come by so we could talk. I later found out that she came by with 5 garbage bags full of my belongings, from baby books to diplomas, you name it. She wanted to completely write me off. I found them dumped on the front lawn. I can`t tell you how long I cried over that. How could God make life this difficult? Leave me on my own working tirelessly? But the religion made sense, and had proof, I just couldn`t give up now.
I was finishing teachers college and at the point where I felt just about ready to wear hijab. I was scared though. How could I get a job wearing hijab? My mom slowly started coming around at this point...she would pop by from time to time. I had 5 job interviews lined up. Since I didn`t have a car, she offered to drive me to 4 of them. I obviously didn`t wear hijab because it would hurt my mom and I wouldn`t have a drive. I made a prayer to Allah to help me find a job, God knows I needed it, and find me one that would accept me in hijab. The 5th and final job interview was within walking distance from where I was living. I decided to try the hijab and see how it went. Guess what? Not only was it the best job for me, but the principal hired me! Of about 30 graduates, 2 of us landed jobs, so I know God was on my side.
I began working that fall, and really honestly appreciate working in such a diverse culture. The staff and students don`t even flinch when they see hijab. There are other hijabis that I work with. Some that I teach. The school knows all about our practices and respects it. Alhamdulillah, I knew that the hard times and prayers would eventually pay off! Finally, free at last!
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